原谅:饶恕与释放

林永青 转载自 CBMC International | 2011-06-20 10:38 | 收藏 | 投票

作者:Norm Anderson

原谅是对别人的冒犯给予宽恕。原谅使双方都受惠:它使冒犯者从被责罚中得释放,使原谅者从苦毒中得释放。事实上,原谅牵涉到“放开”或“松手”。

在生活中,尤其是在二十一世纪,生活的步调如此快速,我们有时没有时间评估后果,就已经说话或行动了,所以我们必然有时会冒犯到彼此。问题是,我们是否会心怀怨恨和敌意,还是我们愿意用正面、修复的方式去处理冒犯的事情和冒犯者。

原谅使人得到释放,得以继续向前。原谅意味着,承认我们都会做出伤害别人的事,有时候伤害会很严重。原谅使人们从苦毒与愤恨中得自由。它除掉报复的冲动,甚至去掉要完全知道为什么事情会发生的想法。原谅为和解开了一条路。和解的简单定义就是关系重建。

当人们不愿原谅,就会耽溺在苦毒与怨恨里。这样的怨恨会随着时间增加,甚至会变得超出事实的不理智的程度。我们的精神无谓地浪费在试图了解对方为何冒犯我,或自己如何无辜。想要报复的动力愈来愈强烈,人际关系就受到毒害。

如果没有原谅,冒犯者就无法自由地成长或向前,而不愿原谅的人也被怨恨与苦毒所捆绑。这是一种不快乐的生活方式,其不利影响不只及于当事人,也会影响周围的人。

我们都会犯错,不论是有意或无意,也会做一些冒犯或伤害别人的事。我们想要而且需要的牢固的人际关系,从而能忍耐彼此的错误,甚至是犯罪之处。在这样的关系中,我们对彼此的承诺超越冒犯与愤怒。原谅使我们能去饶恕别人,且继续保持与冒犯者的健康关系。

当原谅不断增加时,我们会从中受益:

l            关系得以继续发展。

l            冒犯者与被冒犯者旁边的人都受益。

l            压力减轻。

l            别人看到原谅的结果,也会将原谅应用在自己的人际关系中。

l            人们比较不重视生活中小的恼人事件。

l            人们会将时间与精力放在生活中更重要的事上。

哲学家山姆.强森曾作过这样的观察:“智慧人会快速地饶恕,因为他知道时间的价值,所以不会把时间浪费在经历不必要的痛苦上。”

<圣经>用更强烈的方式谈论饶恕:“倘若这人与那人有嫌隙,总要彼此包容,彼此饶恕。主怎样饶恕了你们,你们也要怎样饶恕人”(歌罗西书313节)。我们能饶恕别人的最坚强基础是,我们了解自己虽多次冒犯神,但神已经饶恕我们了。

PARDON: FORGIVENESS and RELEASE

By: Norm Anderson

 

To pardon is to extend forgiveness of an offense. Pardon is mutually beneficial: It provides the offender with release from penalty; it provides the one granting pardon with release from bitterness. In effect, pardon involves “letting go” or “turning loose of.”

 

In life, particularly in the 21st century when the pace of life is so swift and we sometimes speak or act before we have time to weigh the consequences of our words or actions, we are bound to offend one another from time to time. The question is, will we harbor grudges and hostile feelings about the offense, or are we willing to deal with the offense – and the offender – in a positive, restoring way?

 

Pardon releases people to go forward. It acknowledges that we all do things that harm other people, sometimes greatly. Pardon frees people from bitterness and resentment. It removes the drive for revenge, and even the need to completely understand why an offense was committed. Pardon opens the way for reconciliation. Reconciliation, simply defined, is the restoration of relationship.

 

When pardon is lacking, people dwell in bitterness and resentment, holding grudges which over time may grow far out of proportion to the actual offense. Mental energy is often needlessly wasted trying to understand or justify. The drive for vengeance may become intense. Relationships can be poisoned.

 

In the absence of pardon, the person that offended is not granted freedom to move on and to grow; the person withholding pardon is in bondage to resentment and bitterness. It is a very unhappy way to live that adversely affects not only the individuals involved, but also the people around them.

 

We all make mistakes and do things that offend or harm others, whether intended or not. We desire and need relationships that are strong enough to endure mistakes and transgressions against one another, relationships in which our commitment to one another surpasses irritations and offenses. Pardon enables us to forgive and to continue to be in relationship with one another.

 

BENEFITS WHEN PARDON GROWS

·    Relationships continue to develop.

·    People around the offending and offended parties benefit.

·    Stress decreases.

·    Others see and experience how pardon works, and may start practicing it in their own relationships.

·    People focus less on the minor irritations of life.

·    People invest more time and energy in the more important things in life.

 

Philosopher Samuel Johnson once made this observation: “A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.”

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价值中国网发起人、未来主义哲学家。兼职:北京师范大学MBA客座教授、英中商会(BCCC)企业家论坛执行委员、美国金融学会(AFA)会员。伦敦政治经济学院、纽约大学商学院、巴黎商学院全球联合EMBA,中国最早的全球EMBA获得者;另获…
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